We all escape our not so great, or boring, days with entertainment. We watch movies, go to plays, concerts, even restaurants. Even though we know this is only a temporary fix for whatever we are avoiding, it has become engrained in us to do so.

So much work goes on behind the scenes to create this mental getaway for us, yet they seem to show up so effortlessly.

I have always loved romcoms. Lame, absolutely. Am I embarrassed by that fact? Nope. I remember having an old VHS copy of Sweet Home Alabama, Knotting Hill, and Bed of Roses. I’m surprised the tapes never broke from me being holed up in my house watching them on repeat as I fell asleep at night. I think somewhere in there, they gave me hope?

I have always loved music and going to concerts. I remember being 15 and crying because I couldn’t go see Jonny Lang. Later on, I was backstage with bands, and sitting in on their radio interviews. That kid who always fell asleep with headphones so I could fall asleep dreaming of all things music was getting a peek behind the curtain.

I went from daydreaming to actually being an extra on the set of The Vampire Diaries, opposite Matthew Davis–hello, Legally Blonde. I went from daydreaming about bands coming to play at my middle school (listen, I never claimed to be cool), to being ushered in with a phenomenal up and coming band into a venue in Albany, GA. We were being told we had to wait, to build the suspense before walking in.

The thing is, while all of the daydreaming felt like a lifetime while I had to wait to go live, and the actual living flew by me a a blur, time has allowed me to look beyond all of the waiting and dreaming to get to the reality.

I realized very quickly that movie stars are just real people. Being on that set that day, having conversations with the stars showed me they were actually good people and I enjoyed their company. They were there to work. It was that simple. There was no fanfare that day. Just regular conversations and respect.

I realized very quickly how stars are born when I got to sit in vans with musicians that later on got their tour buses. Maybe I felt a little like that kid from Almost Famous. I was given a front row seat to watch how an image is created. Sometimes, that image works because it’s very close to the real you, but most times, it fails because it takes away the part of you that connects you to your purpose.

What a tragedy.

As for me? Well, I have been fortunate, or unfortunate, enough to see behind a lot of curtains that are meant to separate dreams from reality. For the most part, I’m happy I got that chance. But another part of me has never been able to unsee it all.

What time, and life, has taught me is that curtain doesn’t only exist with the entertainment such as movies and concerts we pay for.

People also have their curtains.

Those curtains, and what lies behind them are the reasons I’m not sure I’ll ever learn to fully trust another human again. I’ve seen too much. I’m pretty sure that has affected even my friendships over the years. There are a handful of people I look back on with regret because they actually were trustworthy, but I had my guard up so high that they never stood a chance at getting in. While I can also look back and see very clearly the people I am thankful my guard was up for–even if I had to build it kind of late in the game. It would have only hurt more if I would have waited.

I think something I’ll have to work on going forward is trying to trust that people are showing me what is behind their curtain and allowing me to decide how I feel about what I see. That’s very difficult when I’ve spent so much of my life watching people orchestrate only what they want you to see.

I’m not even mad about any of it anymore, I don’t think. I get that people use what’s behind your curtain to hurt you. And some people feel the only way to get what they want is to have a team working behind the scenes–even if in reality they don’t.

None of us what to look stupid, or get hurt. I get it.

I just wish we weren’t all having to hide. Because when the lights go down and the movie ends, the audience goes home, never seeing the work done behind the curtain. You just sit there on your empty stage.

But once you’ve peeked behind that curtain, you can never unsee it and the movies never feel the same again.

~Alisha