I have always been fond of words. They are simple or complex, direct or misleading. They are whatever we make them, or whatever we receive them to be.

Communication is huge for me, and I am sure that is because I feel I grew up never being heard, and because I could have avoided a lot of heartache had people just been honest with me.

This morning, I started thinking about how incredibly hurt we can get from a romantic relationship. It’s soul-crushing and I don’t believe we ever fully recover if we ever truly loved that person.

The reason I think we never recover is because we felt safe enough around that person (or in my case, maybe just stupid enough) to be…vulnerable.

When you are vulnerable, you let people inside your darkest corners. It’s like leaving your home to allow for potential buyers to come in. They are free to open closets and peek in cabinets. They can search in drawers and all the places you thought you were great at hiding things. They can do this because you trust the realtor bringing them in, and it’s a must in order to sell your home.

When you find a person you fall in love with, you know, the kind where when you look into their eyes, the world disappears, you find yourself trusting them with the keys to your home. They will eventually know all of your hiding places because that’s what communicating is all about. You freely tell them everything because you trust that they are giving your their keys as well.

Well, that’s what happens in a perfect world. However, if you’ve been following along here, you know this is not a “happily ever after” post. I wouldn’t say it’s a negative one, either. Maybe it’s just real?

When those types of relationships end, that person is now walking around with all of the knowledge of everything in your home. That sacred knowledge is typically not protected, and is usually used against you because they are angry (whether at you or themselves-doesn’t matter-same outcome).

Now, let’s switch gears here because everyone talks about these relationships going south.

What I want to talk about are friendships.

I can’t pretend to know about guys and how they deal with friendships, but with girls, it’s full on warfare. You meet, you become friends because you have similar interests, and you pray it lasts…because you also give them keys to your home.

Unfortunately, girls are sneaky and manipulative. I have never quite wrapped my head around it all and maybe that’s because I grew up more of a tomboy than a cheerleader? I guess I missed the mark on girl code just as much as I normally do dress code. I don’t know. But I do know that friendships going south can also leave a mark that never quite heals.

Trusting someone with your past, with your present, and maybe especially with your future goals, can leave you…vulnerable.

Girls will judge you on your past, pray your present is worse than theirs so they can feel better about themselves, and they are exceptionally capable of sabotaging your future. They are so good at the sabotaging part because it’s done in tiny increments so you don’t notice until it’s too late. Wild, huh?

And we wonder why I have trust issues.

Anyway, I started thinking about how I have always wondered why people aren’t more vulnerable. That we could all live much fuller lives if we stopped wasting so much energy hiding all of our things in hidden compartments of our homes and instead, trusted people wouldn’t run off with our life details as weapons against us.

I guess maybe I am figuring that out; late as usual.

The word, vulnerable, sounds so rough. I decided to look up synonyms and then it hit me. Maybe I had this vision of everyone being kind to each other, and not sabotaging others simply out of jealousy; I was naive to the max. I thought being vulnerable was such a great thing to be treasured because it connects us.

Well, being vulnerable just means you are unprotected and unsafe. And unfortunately, it is also seen as being weak.

Maybe I am entering a part of my life where I have been so vulnerable for so long that I’m ready to change my locks? Maybe instead of hoping for people to be a safe place, I just put that energy back into my work? I don’t know what the right answer is, but I can tell you I have too many battle scars to feel safe anymore, and I am also grateful for the handful of people in my life who have keys and have never used things they have found against me.

As always in life, there actually is a balance of light and dark. I will always be grateful for the light.

And until I figure out a miraculous “safe” way to be vulnerable with people again, there will always be my dog.

~Alisha